The Jokes
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The Jokes | |
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Some years ago, when David Gower was Captain of Leicestershire, the county could only field 10 fit players.
"I'll play if you like," whispers a voice, whereupon Gower turns around to find himself talking to a horse.
"OK, we're desperate," he says. "You can go in at number eleven."
Anyway, the game goes on and wicket after wicket tumbles and Gower finds himself at the crease as the horse comes in as 'last man'.
"Just try to block the ball until the end of the over and then I'll take the hit."
The horse merely winks and then proceeds to knock the bowler all over the place, first off with a six, followed by a four, a six and two more fours.
"Blimey, that was fantastic!" says Gower. "Look, next ball I'll take a quck single and then you can have another thrash." The next ball comes in and Gower clips it away and dashes for the quick single only to find himself run out.
"Why didn't you run?" he questions the horse on the way back to the pavillion.
"If I could run," replies the horse. "D'you think that I'd be playing cricket?"
A philosophy professor stood before his class and had some items in front of him. When the class began, wordlessly he picked up a large empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with rocks, rocks about 2" in diameter. He then asked the students if the jar was full? They agreed that it was.
So the professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar. He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles, of course, rolled into the open areas between the rocks. He then asked the students again if the jar was full. They agreed it was. The students laughed.
The professor picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar. Of course, the sand filled up everything else.
"Now," said the professor, "I want you to recognise that this is your life. The rocks are the important things - your family, your partner, your health, your children - things that if everything else was lost and only they remained, your life would still be full.
The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, your house, your car. The sand is everything else, the small stuff. If you put the sand into the jar first, there is no room for the pebbles or the rocks. The same goes for your life.
If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff, you will never have room for the things that are important to you. Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness.
Play with your children. Take time to get medical checkups. Take your partner out dancing. There will always be time to go to work, clean the house, give a dinner party and fix the disposal. Take care of the rocks first - the things that really matter. Set your priorities. The rest is just sand."
But then...
A student then took the jar which the other students and the professor agreed was full, and proceeded to pour in a glass of beer. Of course the beer filled the remaining spaces within the jar making the jar truly full.
The moral of this tale is:- no matter how full your life is, there is always room for BEER
HER SIDE OF THE STORY...
He was in an odd mood when I got the the Pub. I thought that it might have been because I was late, but he didn't say anything much about that.
The conversation was quite slow going, so I thought that we should go off somewhere more intimate, so that we could talk a bit more privately.
We went to this restaurant, but he was still acting funny, so I tried to cheer him up, wondering if it was me or something else. I asked him, but he said "no". I wasn't really sure though.
So, anyway, we git a cab home and in the cab I told him that I loved him and he put his arm around me. I didn't know what the hell that meant, because he didn't say it back or anything, just sat there really quietly.
We finally got back to his place and I was wondering if he was going to dump me. I tried to talk to him about it, but he just switched on the TV. Reluctantly, I said that I was going to bed to sleep. After about ten minutes, he joined me and we had sex, but he seemed so distracted throughout. Afterwards I just wanted to leave, but I just cried myself to sleep.
I just don't know what he thinks any more. I wonder if he's met someone else.
HIS SIDE OF THE STORY
Tottenham lost............tired............got a shag though!
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